I have always loved the endless ocean and the sky. For a long time, I only knew that I wanted to see as far as I can from where I stand. The feeling of standing on the sand, feeling the water on my feet, breathing in the fresh air, seeing the beautiful sky and ocean was bittersweet. In front of me was a beautiful sight but I stood at the same spot. I was going nowhere!
For many years, I thought I liked the ocean and the sky because they are so beautiful. Until the day, I was at the pier. Where I stood, I saw the shadow of the fence and myself on the ocean. My heart had this feeling of sadness. It was that moment from what I saw as I was put behind bars and realized why I love the ocean and the sky so much. I am longing for freedom!
I feel trapped in my own past, my negative self and the conflicting self! Life should be simple! I should be able to make a simple decision to free myself! I heard many people described it like turning on a switch, so easy and simple just makes up your mind! I am still taking baby steps. It is like locking myself in my own house. I need to find the key first but I am holding onto it so tight as I am starring at the door. All I have to do is just take another step, unlock the door and step out! How come it is so hard?! I had done it but then I always ran back into the house and locked myself up again as soon as I felt scared! Hide the key!
I love this quote when I saw it! It makes sense to me logically. The human mind is so amazing but also complicated. Recently, I saw a number of bloggers posted Marianne Williamson’s quote, Our deepest fear. It felt so good to read those words. Again, I understand the words. Maybe, it is ok to run back to a safe place to regroup, reflect and rethink what scared me?! I tell myself each day is a new day! I will get there one day as long as I keep trying! Discovering and trying to face my own fear and understand what it is without running back. Stand strong! I am sometimes at war with myself! Sound silly but it is true! I have to do it my way, but I will learn from others. Maybe, I can set myself free completely one day!
Kitti's Thoughts and Quotes 