When couples run into an issue, they might talked, discuessed, and talk some more.
Logic can’t solve the problem. Emotions show up angry, inpatient, disappoint, and then, more talks and more questions,…finally one said, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore!”
Next comes the silence!
In the complicated human mind, simple is an illusion. What is going in the minds when both are silent? She is still upset and I better give her space! He is being distant so I better stop asking? She doesn’t understand! He just doesn’t listen! She turns her back on him! He is back in his cave! …the mind would not rest until the issue is resolve! Do you remember how many times you sliently played the discussion over and over again in your mind? Soon one issue become more issues. My friend’s favourite saying, “Making a mountain out of a molehill.”
What does silence mean?
To majority of the women, silence is a sign that they are slowly giving up. His silence to her is a torture but not many men realize that. When a woman is slience, her love for you is slowly dying.
To most men, silence is either needing time to process the issue, the problem fixer. Until he finds the solution, he will remain silence and avoid the issue at all. Her silence to him is also a torture because her smiles equal happiness that means love in a man’s heart.
So what to do? Keep doing the little things that show your love! Don’t let the silence create a bigger gap.
Something to keep in mind:
- Work with each other! Remember it is not a debate contest! It is not about being right! No blame and no guilt! Speak with care!
- Set aside a time after both have some time and space to think about the issue. It needs both calm minds to face the issue. Prepare that it may need several discussions to resolve the issue.
One tip for men: Just be a good listener and give her a hug after! Men think they have to fix everything but no, not always true. Sometimes, women just want to be heard! For men, it is important that you truly listen, not be defensive or thinking what to say in the mind. It is called pure listening. Why this might work? When you truly listen to her points, you might find insight on the issuse that may help you finding solution.
One tip for women: Let the men having the space to process the issue and show your trust which is important. He needs a hug, too, to know that you are being supportive. Keep busy with health activities! Be patient! I understand it is not easy. However, you might be surprised that he will come out from his cave with a solution sooner than you thought.
The goal is to build stronger communication skills and love in relationship.
Here is one of my favourite quotes about silence: