Should I go or stay?

The last few weeks have been quite stressful because of the coronavirus. I can’t pretend to have a happy tone and ignore my worries!  I am feeling more depressed lately as well. Not just of my own challenges but it is hard to see people suffering!

First, my family originally planned to go back to Hong Kong for visiting family and attending a cousin’s wedding in this month but I would only stay for two weeks.  It is unfortunate that their wedding has to cancel because of the virus.  It is only till about two weeks ago to finally convince my family not to go especially my parents are in their 70s and 80s plus my nephew is 12th years old.  I thought my sister would think the same about the safety but surprisingly she did not. Then, they decided to go in July which I still personally do not feel good about it. I decided I won’t go.  Of course, my parents are not happy with me.  I shouldn’t feel guilty but I do!

Now, I have another decision to make. The original plan was going to Hong Kong for two weeks in March and then I will visit my long-distance boyfriend in England in May for a few months. It is already limited for how often we could see each other with 7000km between us. This has been a challenging 5 years of a long-distance relationship. I once did not believe a long-distance relationship will work until I met him. In July 2018, I ended it because I didn’t believe the relationship will have a happy ending. After 7 months and a minor brain injury which was a wake-up call for me that life can be short or worst brain dead, not dead but not living either. I decided to reach out to him. All those months, he was waiting for me to return. He truly is someone who my heart feels love. Luckily, he was able to come over twice for two short trips after we decided to make it works in Feb 2018. The goal is for me able to permanently be there. I am going to be 50 soon. Not going to fool around with time!  It was so wonderful that he visited me twice even both trips were only a few weeks in July and Oct in 2019. We also planned that I will go over there this coming May for 6 months since my last two visits were both in winter. He thought it will be great to experience Spring and Summer.  We both were excited about this coming trip until now.

For the same reason that I didn’t want to go to Hong Kong with my family,  Today, I found out there is the first case of coronavirus in the province where I am at. For the sake of both of our lives, I feel I shouldn’t go.  It is an awful feeling! If I could have a transporter just send me over to his house directly, I would go in a heartbeat. However, the reality is that I have to go to the airport, be on a flight for about 9 hours, and then another couple hours of train rides from London to his town. There is no confirmed case in his town but the overall UK confirmed cases are raising.

I got this countdown app on my cell.  I should be excited to see that there are 57 days to the date seeing him in person and spend a wonderful time together. Now, I don’t know what to do. He is not sure either.

Part of me believes I should wait till the virus has the cure, then, I know we can truly enjoy our time together. He also thinks the same. However, we both want to see each other.

Part of me questioning myself, “Am I over-worried? Am I a coward?” I already disappointed my parents. Now, I am going to disappoint not only him but also myself. My logical mind still believe that waiting is worth it! I told him that I won’t go to Hong Kong in summer even if I wasn’t planning to go to visit him. He is being very nice and told me that he would understand if I delay the plan. We will have some time to see what will happen, I guess?! Maybe, a miracle will magically show up to get rid of this virus!

At the same time, one of my friends is still going to Bangkok because he promised his 7 years long-distance girlfriend to get married in this month. He said it is important to keep a promise and also they have been planning this wedding over a year. I asked him if they worried about the virus. He replied they do but they don’t want to wait for another year. 7 years is too long! If he is brave enough to travel from US to Bangkok for his true love, why shouldn’t I feel as brave as he is?! Should love can conquer all?

What will you do? Will you take a chance to go? or wait?

Sorry, I couldn’t find a quote to describe how I am feeling but I have a photo of mine!

Photo on 2016-03-12 at 2.16 PM UK

P.S. Sorry for my poor English writing! I can’t hold all those questions in my mind anymore! Just want to get them out of my mind before I feel any worst!