The most important letter that I wrote!

In some of my posts, I had mentioned my breakup with someone I love.  Unfortunately, it didn’t end it well.  In one of my posts, I wrote that two people could be nice people but it just wasn’t meant to be.  When the relationship ended in last July 2018, I was angry, frustrated, and disappointed. I believe I thought I had given my best for this 7000 some km relationship and for this man that I loved so much.

After my minor brain injury in November 2018, I thought about so many things.  One thing I couldn’t stop thinking was what if I died or serious brain damage that couldn’t live a normal life, or simply brain dead.  Because of that, I started to think back what’s important to me, No regret! I don’t want to die with regret but counting my blessing.

To make this short, I decided to write him a letter because I don’t want him to think of me as a horrible and angry person when we broke up.  I know he did love me and so did I.  We had four years of wonderful and lovely memories.  I was hoping to make peace with him and myself.  I was hoping he would only remember all the special memories that we had if I died one day. I was honestly told him that I had never felt so much love for someone and what we had was very special.  How we met wasn’t through online! It was a miracle!

From so many articles that I read, people usually had moved on after many months.  To my surprise, he wrote back and he never did move on.  Through a video chat, I saw that all of our photos were still at the same spots in his house so as my personal belongings.  He asked me whether I just want to make peace or do I want more? It was a difficult question especially knowing the chances of moving there is very little. However, I did decide to have a heart-to-heart talk. It wasn’t easy but we both had learnt.  He even wrote down notes during our conversation.  He was the one gave me the courage to speak truthfully.  In the end, we decided to move forward. He knew my frustration but he also said he would not able to find anyone else like me. After that, he also said we will have any meaningful talks.  It has only been three months, we really did have so many meaningful, fun and wonderful conversations. We are more in love than before. We are going to have our reunion in July to celebrate love, birthdays, and life.  One of the things that I have learnt is not to think too far. It is very hard because our situation is almost impossible to be together.  After my brain injury, I sure have learnt to enjoy each moment especially finding someone that my heart couldn’t stop feel loved from and couldn’t get him out of my mind! Regardless, how this relationship will end. We will make the best of it! 

What I want to share is that it was me needed the wake-up call to realize how much he means to me, what my heart truly feels and be honest to myself! Not just about the relationship, but also other areas in life.  I have learnt the importance of no regrets, be honest and make peace with myself. Some will be hard and it will be on my own like the relationship with my families. I have also learned that I need to be happy and feel peace within. I don’t have to show who I am to everyone but only those who truly care.

Here is a quote that also helps me to focus what’s important to me in this life time.  It is from Jon Butcher, Lifebook: